The Path to High Performance: Unveiling the Secrets for Success in Any Area of Life - Part 2
Welcome back! In a previous blog post from last, we delved into the concept of falling in love with the process of pursuing our goals. We highlighted the importance of surrounding ourselves with individuals who not only prevent us from stagnating but also serve as a source of motivation. Additionally, we discussed the three types of people that should make up our inner circle. However, as we embark on our personal growth journey, it's crucial to acknowledge that this circle will inevitably evolve. If you haven't had a chance to read part 1, I highly recommend doing so before diving into this continuation. You can find the first installment HERE.
In this week's continuation, we will delve deeper into the topic of being a high performer and focus specifically on stress and how we handle it. Stress is an inevitable part of pursuing our goals, whether we are starting something new or in the midst of a challenging endeavor. The statistics on stress are staggering, with experts suggesting that stress levels have only intensified since the onset of the pandemic.
When it comes to stress, there are two aspects to consider. The first is the biological response ingrained in our DNA. This response kicks in when we face immediate danger, such as a car approaching us at high speed. Our body instinctively triggers mechanisms like increased adrenaline, elevated heart rate, and sweaty palms to protect us and enable us to react swiftly. However, this type of stress is not our primary focus today.
Instead, we will focus on the day-to-day stress that many of us experience. We often hear people saying, "I'm so stressed. Work is overwhelming. My spouse is causing stress. The kids are so overwhelming. I never have enough time in the day." It feels like being trapped on an endless treadmill, unable to step off. As someone who has lived a significant portion of my life in this state, I like to use my faith and a quote by Eckhart Tolle, a modern-day philosopher, that completely transformed my perspective: "Stress is the desire for things to be different than they are in the present moment."
This quote taught me that stress is not caused by external events or circumstances, nor by what others say or do. Rather, stress arises from our resistance to those things. When we resist reality or try to push against what is, we create stress within ourselves. However, if we cultivate acceptance and surrender, our stress levels decrease instantly. We must stop allowing external stressors to dictate how we process stress internally.
This doesn't mean that we, as humans, don't have preferences. It means realizing that it's not God’s responsibility or the universe's responsibility to cater to our preferences every single moment. It's not a divine duty to make life effortless and smooth at all times. Instead, it's our responsibility to be adaptable and flexible, navigating through whatever challenges come our way. Take sitting in traffic as an example. Most people prefer a clear road with no obstacles, but that preference is rarely fulfilled. The presence of other cars does not cause stress; it is our desire for them not to be there that creates stress. This self-imposed stress can be alleviated by taking a deep breath and accepting the situation, asking ourselves, "What can I do in this moment?" We can choose to listen to a podcast or audiobook, call a friend, or enjoy relaxing music. Fighting against reality is a battle we will always lose. Instead, we need to discern what we can control and what we cannot.
As we become more adept at this practice, we will realize that we won't always get our preferences fulfilled. This realization will enable us to manage stress better than ever before, leading to a lighter feeling, increased fulfillment, and healthier relationships. To help you on this journey, here are a few strategies. First, slow down when faced with a situation that is not your preference. Take a breath and determine if it is within your control or not. In most cases, it will be out of your control. Practice the skill of letting go of things beyond your control. In reality, there are only two things we have complete control over at all times: our attitude and our effort. Place your focus on these aspects and let go of everything else.
Next, ask yourself, "What response can I have that might move me forward, even if it's just a small step?" There is always something that can improve the situation, even if it's not ideal. By actively seeking a response that propels us forward, we regain a sense of agency and progress. Remember, there is always a choice to be made.
The more you practice managing stress, the better you will become at it. Fortunately, there will never be a shortage of opportunities to practice, as stressors are thrown at us every day. Repetition is key when it comes to developing any skill, and managing stress is no different. Just like in the unseen hours of practice, the more you repeat and apply stress management techniques, the more adept you will become.
It may seem counterintuitive, but the more stressful situations you encounter, the more chances you have to practice and improve your ability to handle them. It becomes like a game, a process I like to call "Game-a-fy." This practice will instill confidence in you, knowing that there is nothing the world can throw at you that you cannot handle. While there will inevitably be bigger challenges in life, honing your skills on the smaller stressors will better prepare you to handle those significant events.
It is important to acknowledge that you will not be perfect at this, and that is okay. Nobody is. Give yourself grace and focus on practicing and managing the smaller stressors. Doing so will help build resilience and make you more resilient for the bigger challenges that may arise. Remember to allow yourself to feel and grieve when necessary, but also have faith in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.
Stay tuned for part three of our series on what it takes to be great.